TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
TEACHER: Cindy, why are you doing your maths sums on the floor?
CINDY: You told me to do it without using tables!
TEACHER: John, how do you spell "crocodile"?
JOHN: "K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
JOHN: Maybe it's wrong, but you ask me how I spell it!
TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
SARAH: "HIJKLMNO"!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
SARAH: Yesterday you said it's H to O!
TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America?
CLASS: George!
TEACHER: Willy, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WILLY: Me!
TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.
TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
JOSE: Don't bite any.
TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I".
ELLEN: I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, "I am."
ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
Teacher: "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"
Johnny : "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the sameday sametime."
Teacher: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's Cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
Johnny : "Because George still had the axe in his hand."
Son : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
Father : No. Why do you ask that?
Son : Well, where did you get THIS mummy then?
Teacher : What a pair of strange socks you are
wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots!
Kirk : Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair of thesame at home.
At a church school gathering, one little old lady approached a cute 5-year-old girl and asked her where she got her good looks.
"I musta got 'em from my Daddy," said the little girl,
"'cause Mommy's still got hers."
Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
Student: Brotherly love.
Teacher: Now, Sam, tell me frankly do you say prayers before eating?
Sam : No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.
Teacher: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did u copy his?
Desmond: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
Teacher: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Pupil : A teacher.

Banta Singh rushed back angrily to the grocery shop from where he had purchased a packet of butter a few minutes ago.

"Where is my free gift?" he shouted at the shopkeeper.

"But Sir, there is no free gift on the purchase of butter." The shopkeeper answered politely.

"Don't fool me," replied Banta, "it is clearly written on the packet of the butter 'Cholesterol free'".

One day Santa Singh was home and he went to the kitchen, opened the Sugar bottle, peeped inside and closed it.

His wife was seeing this. After some time Santa again went to the kitchen, opened the Sugar Bottle, peeped inside and closed it.

His  wife again saw this.

Santa Singh again and again did the same thing. His wife was puzzled at why did he do something like this..

So, she asked Santa, 'Why did you open the Sugar bottle, see inside and close it often?'

Santa Singh replied, 'I am a Sugar Patient you know.... Our doctor advised me to check up the Sugar often'.

Sardarji: Nurse, I am very eager to know my blood group.

Nurse: B positive

Sardarji: please tell me soon ....

Nurse: B positive

Sardarji: Madam, I am positive, but eager to know the blood my group.

A Sardarji bought a new car. Next day he is driving his car to office.

On the way he was waiting for the Signal. Suddenly he opened the door and got down.

Then he went to the Traffic Police and asked him, 'How much should I pay to turn right?'

The Policeman was astonished and asked, 'Why are you asking like this?'

Then Sardarji showed him the sign board which was in the corner of the road: 'Free Left Turn'

 Jugnu Singh sees lot of guys running on the highway.

Asks a bystander as to why are the guys doing what they are doing.

The bystander: A Marathon race is going on

Jugnu Singh: What do they get from that?

Bystander: The winner will get a prize.

Jugnu Singh: Then why are the others running?!

Jugnu Singh and an American were walking outside when the American said "Oh, look at the dead bird."

Jugnu Singh looked towards the sky and said "Where, where?"

Jugnu Singh: I was born in Punjab.

Harpal Singh: Oh really, which part?

Jugnu Singh: All of me, silly.

Jugnu : What is ANOTHER difference between a MOSQUITO and a FLY?

Harpal : A FLY can FLY but a MOSQUITO cannot MOSQUITO!

Jugnu : Tell me five FEROCIOUS animals you can think of..

Harpal : 3 Lions and 2 Tigers.

Q: How can you recognize Jugnu Singh in a submarine?

 A: He is the one with the parachute on his back.

Jugnu Singh got up in the middle of the night to answer the telephone.

"Is this one one one one?", says the voice.

"No, this is eleven eleven."

"Are you sure it isn't one one one one?"

"No, this is eleven eleven."

"Well, wrong number. I am Harpal calling, sorry to have woken you up on the middle of the night."

"That's all right, mister. I had to get up to answer the telephone anyway."

Q: Why did the Jugnu Singh take a pair of binoculars with him to a funeral?

A: It was a distant relative's funeral

Son : Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?
Father : No. Why do you ask that?

Son : Well, where did you get mummy then?

Lady : Is this my train?

Station Master : No, it belongs to the Railway Company.

Lady : Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if

I can take this train to Kuala Lumpur.

Station Master : No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.

Peter : What a pair of strange socks you are wearing,

one is green and one is blue with red spots!

Kirk : Yes it's really strange. I've got another pair

of the same at home.

Teacher : Peter, why are you late for school again?

Peter : Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football

and the game went into extra time.

Wife : Do you want dinner?

Husband : Sure, what are my choices?

Wife : Yes and no.

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"

Second Guy : "You're lucky, mine's still alive."

The girl asked her lover, "Darling, if we get engaged,

will you give me a ring?"

"Sure, " replied her lover "What's your phone number?"

A drunkard was brought to court. Just before the trial

there was a commotion in the gallery. The judge pounded

the gravel on his table and shouted,

"Order, order."

The drunkard immediately I'll have a scotch and soda."

'For twenty years my husband and I were very happy'

'What happened then?'

'We met.'

Customer : 'If I post this letter tonight, will it

get to Brighton in two days' time?'

Post Master : 'Well it might do.'

Customer : I bet you, it won't.

Post Master : Why not?

Customer : It's addressed to London.

An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist.

'My trouble is,' he said, 'that I keep forgetting things.'

'How long has this been going on?' asked the psychiatrist.

'How long has what been going on?' said the man.

Girl : Do you love me ?

Boy : Yes Dear

Girl : Would you die for me ?

Boy : No, mine is undying love

1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out

of the window

2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.

1st thief : Hurry! this is no time for superstitions.

Man : How old is your father ?

Boy : As old as me

Man : How can that be ?

Boy : He became a father only when I was born.

Teacher : Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is

grazing in the field"

Student : A cow and a bull is grazing in the field.

Teacher : How ?

Student : Ladies first. .

Friend 1 : Where were you born ?

Friend 2 : India.

Friend 1 : India? Which part?

Friend 2 : No, the whole body.

Waiter : I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.

Customer : Don't tell me your problems.

Give me the menu card.

GANDHIJI SAYS UNTOUCHABLITY IS A SIN, SO LET'S KEEP IN TOUCH

EVERYONE COMES INTO OUR LIVES WITH A PURPOSE.

1.One day a sardarji was sitting in his office on The thirteenth floor building when a man came running in to his office and shouted "Santa singh your daughter Preeto just died in an accident" Sardarji was in panic. Not knowing what to do he jumped from his office window. While coming down when he was near the tenth floor he remembered he

didn't have a daughter named Preeto. When he was near the fifth floor he remembered he was not married.When he was about to hit the ground he remembered he was not Santa Singh.

2. A sardar walked up to the front desk of the library and said, "I bor-rowed a book last week, but it was the most boring I've ever read. There was no story whatsoever, and there were far too many characters!" The librarian replied, "Oh, you must be the person who took our phone book."

3. A sardar was walking along, when he looked up to observe a bird flying overhead. Suddenly, the bird dropped a load when it was directly over him. The Sardar says, "Good thing that cows don't fly."

4. A sardar is in a bar and his cellular phone rings, so he picks it up and says " Hello, how did you know I was here?"

5. How many sardars does it take to pull off a kidnapping? Six. One to kidnap the victim and five to
write the ransom note.

6. Why are sardar secret agents the best in the world? Because even under torture they can't remember what they have been assigned to.

7. Did you hear about the sardar who signed all his checks so no one else could use them if he lost his checkbook?

8. Did you hear about the sardar who asked his friends to give him all their burnt out light bulbs? He just bought a camera and wanted to set up a Darkroom.

9. Banta Singh was painting his living room one hot day. "Why", his friend Santa Singh asked him, "are you wearing two jackets?"."Because," said Banta Singh,"The directions on the can said to put on two coats. "

10. A sardar was given the job of painting the white lines down the middle of a highway. On his first day he painted six miles; the next day three miles; the following day

less than a mile.then the foreman asked the sardar why he kept painting less each day,he replied "I just can't do any better. Each day I keep getting farther away from the paint can. "

11. Why do sardars have see-through lunch box lids? So that when they're on the train they can tell if they're going to work or coming home.

12. A sardar's response to the comment, "THINK about it!": "I don't have to think-I 'm sardar! "

13. Sardarji ( to doctor ) : 'Doctor, I have a problem.' Doctor : 'What's your problem?' Sardarji : 'I keep forgetting things.' Doctor : 'Since when do you have this problem?' Sardarji : 'What problem?'

14. Why couldn't the sardar write the number "eleven"? He didn't know which "one" (1) came first...

15. Why does a sardar only change his baby's diapers once a month? Because it says right on the box "good for up to 20 pounds." 16. One Sardar was enjoying Sun on a Beach in UK. A lady came and asked him, "Are you relaxing" Sardar answered '" No I am Banta Singh" Another Guy came and asked the same Question. Sardar answered "No No Me Banta Singh." Third one came and asked the same question Sardar was totally annoyed and decided to shift his place. While walking he saw another Sardar enjoying the Beach. He went and asked him " Are you Relaxing?" The other Sardar was much educated and answered "Yes I am relaxing. The Sardar slapped him on his face and said "Idiot, Sab tere Ko wahahn dhoond rahe hai aur tu Yahaan Aaram Kar raha hai." (Translation ... Idiot everyone is looking for you and you are relaxing here!!!!!)

7. Having lost his donkey a Sardarji, got down to his knees and started thanking God. A passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for ?"

The sardarji replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too."

18. So this sardarji is walking the other day and comes across a banana peel on the road. Can you guess what he might be thinking?? "Saala today again I will have to fall......"

19. One great day in Bombay, a couple were on a honeymoon tour. They saw one sardarji in front of a hospital (Breach Candy) was trying to fill some form. So the couple enquired eagerly " Sardarji what are you doing ?"

Sardarji replied that I had a baby and I am filling the birth certificate form. The couple as per schedule, took the Bombay to Delhi for their next destination. On the next day, they find the Sardarji in Delhi filling the same form. So once again young couple asked" Sardarji what are you doing ?" Once again replied that I had a baby and I am filling the birth certificate form. The couple said but sardarji yesterday you were in Bombay filling the same form, how come you're in Delhi? Sardarji coolly replied "The form says FILL IN CAPITAL.'

20. Surjit Singh saw that his friend Baljit Singh was very depressed. "What happened ?" asked Surjit. "Yaar, I lost Rs. 800 in a bet yesterday . " "How come ?" "Well, yesterday, the one-day match between India and England was being shown live on TV.I bet Rs.500 that India would win, but I lost the bet." "But thats only Rs. 500, where did the rest go ?" Yaar, I bet on the highlights too "

21. An Englishman, an American and a Sardarji are called upon to test a lie detector. The Englishman says: "I think I can empty 20 bottles of beer". BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector. "Ok", he says, "10 bottles". And the machine is silent.

The American says: "I think I can eat 15 hamburgers". BUZZZZZZ, goes the lie detector. "Allright, 8 hamburgers". And the machine's silent. The Sardarji says: "I think...", BUZZZZZZ goes the machine.

22. A sardarji with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor asked him what happened to his ears and he answered, " I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron an stuck to my ear." "Oh Dear! " the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But .. .. what happened to the other ear?" "The man called back again."

23. There's a funeral procession of a sardar going on a busy street. All the sardars in the mayyat' are dancing the bhangra and singing and general 'balle balle' is on. The people on the street find it strange that instead of mourning everyone is celebrating as if its marriage baraat. So one of them asks Santa sing, "Singh saab, how come you are celebrating?"..... comes the reply : Its the first time that a sardar has died of "brain" tumour !!"

24. Do you know what a Surdarji will do after taking Xerox ? He will compare it with the original for spelling mistakes !!

25. Do you know what surdarji will do if he wants a white paper? (he already has one and he wants one more..) He takes a Xerox of the white paper !

Sardarji is buying a TV. "Do you have colour TVs?"

"Sure."

"Give me a green one, please."

Sardarji calls Air India. "How long does it take to fly to Amritsar?"

"Just a sec," says the rep.

"Thank you." says the Sardarji and hangs up.

Our Sardarji was filling up an application form for a job. He

promptly filled the columns titled NAME,AGE,ADDRESS etc.

Then he came to the column "Salary Expected" : He was not sure

as to what to be filled there. After much thought he wrote

:Yes

Sardarji proposes to a woman. She says yes if you bring me a

pair of crocodile boots. He sets off to Africa and disappears. Finally a

search is being made, they find him hunting crocodiles and watch him

killing a huge one. He walks over the reptile, checks its legs and angrily

exclaims

"71st and *again* barefoot!"

A Sardar goes into a store and sees a shining object. He asks

the clerk, "What is that shiny object?" The clerk replies, "That is a thermos flask."

The Sardar then asks, "What does it do?"

The clerk responds, "It keeps hot things hot and it keeps cold things cold."

The Sardar says, "I'll take it!"

The next day, he walks into work with his new thermos.

His Sardar boss sees him and asks, "What is that shiny object with you?"

He said, "It's a thermos flask."

The boss then says, "What does it do?"

He replies, "It keeps hot things hot and cold things cold."

The boss said, "Wow, what do you have in it?"

The Sardar replies, "Two cups of coffee and a coke."

What will a Sardarji do after taking photocopies ?

He will compare it with the original for spelling mistakes !!

What will a Sardarji do if he wants an additional white sheet of

paper? (he already has one and he wants one more..)

He takes a photocopy of the white paper !!!

Once there was a meeting of all the Surd freedom fighters. They

were planning for free Punjab. Santa Singh raised a point, "Oh..we'll

get Punjab from India but how would we develop it?"

That was a difficult question indeed. Suddenly Banta Singh

replied, "No problem! we'll attack USA, it would take over us and then we

would be a state of USA and we'll automatically get developed." All the

surds became happy at this very simple solution but an old surd did

not utter a single word. Someone asked him why he wasn't happy. The surd

replied, "OH! THAT'S ALRIGHT BUT...WHAT WOULD HAPPEN IF BY CHANCE WE

TAKE OVER USA ?????"

Why did 18 Sardarjis go to a movie?

Because below 18 was not allowed.

What do you do when a Sardar throws a hand grenade at you?

Pull the pin and throw it back.

What do you do when a Sardar throws a pin at you?

Run like crazy....he's got a hand grenade in his mouth.

How do you make a Sardar laugh on Saturday?

Tell him a joke on Wednesday.

Why do Sardars work seven days a week?

So you don't have to re-train them on Monday.

Why can't Sardars make ice cubes?

They always forget the recipe.

How did the Sardar try to kill the bird?

He threw it off a cliff.

What do you call 10 Sardars standing ear to ear?

A wind tunnel.

What do you see when you look into a Sardar's eyes?

The back of his head.

What do you call a Sardar who drinks only beer?

Just-beer Singh ('T' silent!).

What do you call a Sardar who has only one drink?

Just-one Singh.

Why does Sardar always smile during lightning storms?

They think their picture is being taken.

Once a Sardarji was travelling on a train. He felt sleepy so he gave the

guy sitting opposite him on the train 20 rupees to wake him up when the

station arrived. This guy was a barber, and he felt that for 20 Rupees,

the Sardarji deserved more service. So, when the Sardarji fell asleep, the

barber quietly shaved off his beard. When the station arrived, the Sardarji

was woken up, and he went home. Reaching home, he went to wash his face,

and suddenly R screamed when he saw the mirror.

Said his wife " What's the matter?"

Replied he "The cheat on the train has taken my 20 rupees and

woken up someone else"

Sardarji is in Delhi. He is walking on a street which has Clock Tower

when someone asks him if he wants to buy the clock on the Tower. Sardarji

says

"Yes". "Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder." The man took

the thousand and disappeared. Having waited for several hours

the Sardarji figured he was taken for a ride. On the next day the Sardarji

walking along the same street and the same man asks him to buy the clock.

"Give me a thousand rupees and I'll go get a ladder."

The Sardarji gives him the thousand and says "I am not a

fool.This time, you wait and I'll go get a ladder."

Santa Singh with two red ears went to his doctor. The doctor

asked him what had happened to his ears and he answered, " I was ironing a

shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I

accidentally

picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."

" Oh Dear! " the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But ..what happened to

your other ear?"

"The scoundrel called back."

Santa Singh tried to light his cigarette. He struck the first

match on the seat of his pants, but it wouldn't light.

He tried another. It wouldn't light. The third one finally

lit. lit his cigarette, carefully blew the match out and put it

in

his vest pocket. "What for did you put that match in your vest

pocket?"

"That's a good match. I'll use it again."

A Sardar sees lot of guys running on the highway. Asks a

bystander as to why're the guys doing what they're doing. The bystander: A

Marathon race is going on

Sardar: What do they get from that?

Bystander : The winner will get a prize

Sardar : Then why are the others running?!

One Sardar came to Madras and wanted to do shopping in Burma

bazaar. His Tamilian friend told the Sardar that the prices

will be costly and hence asked him to bargain for half the

price.

Sardar went and asked the price of stereo for which the vendor

told 2000 Rs. Sardar asked for Rs.1000. vendor told he can

give for Rs.1800 for which Sardar told no, no only Rs.900.

Vendor told ok, I will give it for 1500 Rs. for which Sardar

bargained for Rs.750. It was going on like this when finally

vendor out of irritation said he will give the Sardar the stereo

free of cost."Our Sardar asked whether he will give two."

A Sardar buys a ticket and wins the lottery. He goes to

Austin to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number.

Our Sardar says, "I want my $20 million."The man replied,

"No, Sir. It doesn't work that way. We give you a million

today

and then you'll get the rest spread out for the next 19

years."

Sardar said, "Oh, no. I want all my money right now! I won it

and I want it."

Again, the man explained that he would only get a million that

day and the rest during the next 19 years. Sardar, furious with the man, screams out, "Look, I want my money! if you're not going to give me my $20 million right now, then I want my 1 dollar back!"

Sardar Banta Singh went to the emergency room with the tip of

his index finger blown off.

"How did this happen?" the doctor asked.

"Well I was trying to commit suicide," Banta Singh replied.

The doctor asked, "Trying to commit suicide by shooting your

finger?"

"No, silly! First I put the gun on my head and I thought my

face would look horrible, then I put it in my mouth and I thought I just paid Rs. 1,000 to get my teeth straightened.

So then I put the gun in my ear and I thought this is going

to make a loud noise, so I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the trigger.

After making a trip of South India, Santa Singh, his wife and his son were

returning to Punjab in Tamilnadu Express. Santa ingh was occupying the

lower berth, his wife the middle berth and his son the top most

berth in the train.

When train stopped at one of the stations on the way back the son requested

Santa Singh to bring him a cup of ice cream to which Santa readily agreed.

When Santa and his son returned they found that a South INdian who couldn't

understand Hindi had occupied his son's berth. Outraged, Santa

Singh called the TTE and asked him to help. TTE requested that he could not

understand Hindi/Punjabi so it would be better if Santha Singh explained

the whole situation to him in English. Santa explained, "That man sleeping

on top of my wife not giving berth to my child".

A Sardar is in a bar and his cellular phone rings, so he picks

it up and says "Hello, how did you know I was here?"

How many Sardars does it take to pull off a kidnapping?

Six. One to kidnap the victim and five to write the ransom

note.

Why are Sardar secret agents the best in the world?

Because even under torture they can't remember what they have

been assigned to.

Why does a Sardar keep empty beer bottles in his fridge?

They're there for those who don't drink.

Why do Sardars have see-through lunch box lids?

So that when they're on the train they can tell if they're

going to work or coming home.

Sardar,a Japanese, and a British were lost in the desert. They

were driving around in a Jeep when it broke down, because they had

nothing else they decided to each take a piece of the Jeep as they

continued their journey. The Japanese took the radiator, the

British took the seat, and the Sardar took the door.

After a while of walking the British asked the Japanese "I'm

confused, why did you bring the radiator?" The Japanese

responded, "If I get thirsty, can drink the fluid."

Next the Sardar asked the British "Why did you bring the

seat?"

So the British said "If I get tired,I am not going to sit on the

sand. I can sit on this comfortable seat."

Finally the Japanese asked the Sardar why he had chosen the

door.

The Sardar quickly responded to this question, "Well, when it

gets hot all I have to do is roll down the window."

Why couldn't the Sardar write the number "eleven"?

He didn't know which "one" came first...

Sardarji is in a Quiz Contest trying to win prize money of Rs.1 crore.






The questions are as follows:







1) How long was the 100 yr war?

A) 116

B) 99

C) 100

D) 150







Sardar says "I will skip this"







2) In which country are the Panama hats made?

A) BRASIL

B) CHILE

C) PANAMA

D) EQUADOR







Sardar asks for help from the University students







3) In which month do the Russians celebrate the October Revolution?

A) JANUARY

B) SEPTEMBER

C) OCTOBER

D) NOVEMBER







Sardar asks for help from general public







4) Which of these was King George VI first name?

A) EDER

B) ALBERT

C) GEORGE

D) MANOEL







Sardar asks for lucky cards







5) The Canary islands, in the Pacific Ocean, has its name based on which animal:

A) CANARY BIRD

B) KANGAROO

C) PUPPY

D) RAT







Sardar gives up.













SCROLL DOWN.......





























› › If u think you are indeed clever and laughed at Sardar's replies, then please check the answers below:





› › 1) The 100 year war lasted 116 years from 1337-1453





› › 2) The Panama hat is made in Equador





› › 3) The October revolution is celebrated in November





› › 4) King George's first name was Albert. In 1936 he changed his name.





› › 5) Puppy. The Latin name is INSULARIA CANARIA which means islands of the puppies.







› › Now tell me who's the dumb one....Don't ever laugh at a Sardar again.

LAST COACH

A sardarji was working as editor in a daily newspaper. Once he was

travelling to Bombay to deliver a speech about railway department

improvements. His coach was the last coach in the train. The train was

moving very fast and so sardarji's coach was jerking heavily.

This made him not to prepare for the speech. Annoyed by the event, next day

in the meeting, his first point towards improvement of railway department

was "There should not be last coach in any train".

SHOPPING

One sardar came to madras and wanted to do shopping in burma bazaar. His

tamilian friend told the sardar that the prices will be costly and hence

asked him to bargain for half the price.

Sardar went and asked the price of stereo for which the vendor told 2000

Rs. Sardar asked for Rs.1000.vendor told he can give for Rs.1800 for which

sardar told no,no only Rs.900. Vendor told ok , i will give it for 1500 Rs

for which sardar bargained for Rs.750.it was going on like this when

finally vendor out of irritation said he will give the sardar the stereo

free of cost. "Our sardar asked whether he will give two."

PULLING EACH OTHERS LEGS

Two sardarjis stayed in the same building. One on the first floor and the

other one on the eight floor. Both were great enemies. One day the sardarji

on the eight floor thought to be fool the one on the first floor. He

invited him for dinner. When the sardarji reached the eight floor, he found

his door locked and a board at his door " Kaisa bewkoof banaya" (I fooled

you).

Sardarji felt embarrased and to outplay him, he wrote down: " Main to yaha

aya hi nahi tha" (I have never come here).

FUNERAL PROCESSION

There's a funeral procession of a sardar going on a busy street. All the

sardars in the 'mayyat' are dancing the bhangra and singing and general

'balle balle' is on. The people on the street find it strange that instead

of mourning everyone is celebrating as if its marriage baraat. So one of

them asks Santa Singh, "Singh Saab, aapka koi sage wala gujar gaya hai aur

aap naach rahe ho?" .....comes the reply, "Haan ji! Hai hi baat badi kushi

ki!!! Aaj paheli baar ek sardar "brain" tumour se mara hai!!!".

WIDE RUNWAY

Two Sardarjis (pilots) try to land an airplane in the states. They start

descending and as they touch the ground the pilot scream "the runway is

ending...".

The second pilot swiftly gets the plane back up in the air... They make a

big turn and start descending again. The moment they touch the ground, the

pilot scream again "Get the plane up, the runaway is ending...".

The second pilot swiftly gets the plane back up in the air... They make a

big turn and start descending again... This goes on again and again...

During their fourth descent the pilot says : "Look at those stupid

Americans, they build this huge & expensive airport but with such a short

runaway..", "I know" answers the second pilot, "But look how wide they made

it...."

You should be sure the person is Sardar when he:

* Puts lipstick on the forehead because he wants to makeup his mind.
* Gets stabbed in a shoot-out.
* Sends a fax with a postage stamp on it.
* Tries to drown a fish in waters.
* Thinks socialism means partying.
* Trips over a cordless phone.
* Takes a ruler to bed to see how long he slept.
* At the bottom of the application where it says "Sign Here" he puts Sagittarius."
* Studies for a blood test and fails.
* Sells the car for gas money.
* Misses the 44 bus, and takes the 22 twice instead.
* Drives to the airport and sees a sign that said, "Airport left", he turns around and goes home.

Gets locked in Furniture Shop and sleeps on the floor.

HOW TO LOOSE WEIGHT

The doctor told Sardarji that if he ran eight kilometers a day for 300

days, he would loose 34 kilos. At the end of 300 days, Sardarji called the

doctor to report he had lost the weight, but he had a problem.

"What's the problem?"asked the doctor.

"I'm 2400 kms from home."

ANOTHER COUNT!

Our Sardar is walking down the street and sees a man jumping up and down on

a manhole cover yelling "86, 86, 86". He asks the man, "Excuse me, but why

are you jumping up and down on this manhole cover and yelling '86, 86, 86'?"

The man says, "Well, I can't tell you that, but if you really want to know,

I can let you go under there and find out.

He thinks for a moment, then his curiosity gets the better of him, and he says, "Okay."

The man lifts the manhole cover. He steps into the manhole, and the man

puts the manhole cover back and starts jumping up and down on it yelling "87, 87, 87"...

Sardarji applied to medical school. Needless to say he never made it because these were answers he gave when requested to define the following terms:


› › ANTIBODY - against everyone

› › ARTERY - the study of fine paintings

› › BACTERIA - back door to a cafeteria

› › BENIGN - what you be after you be eight

› › BOWEL - letters like a, e, i, o, u

› › CAESAREAN SECTION - a district in Rome

› › CARDIOLOGY - advanced study of poker playing

› › CAT SCAN - searching for lost kitty

› › CHRONIC - neck of a crow

› › CORTISONE - area around local courthouse

› › CYST - short for sister

› › DIAGNOSIS - person with a slanted nose

› › DILATE - the late princess

› › DISLOCATION - in this place

› › DUODENUM - couple in jeans

› › ENEMA - not a friend

› › FALSE LABOUR - pretending to work

› › GALLBLADDER - bladder in a girl

› › GROIN - to mash to a pulp / smile

› › HERNIA - she is close by

› › HYMEN - greeting to several males

› › IMPOTENT - distinguished, well-known

› › LABOUR PAIN - hurt at work

› › LACTOSE - person without toes

› › LIPOSUCTION - a French kiss

› › LYMPH - walk unsteadily

› › MENOPAUSE - I no wait

› › MICROBES - small dressing gowns

› › OBESITY - City of Obey

› › PACEMAKER - winner of Nobel Peace Prize

› › PROTEIN - in favor of teens

› › PULSE - grain

› › RED BLOOD COUNT - Dracula

› › SECRETION - hiding anything

› › SEMEN - sailors

› › SERUM - sailors drink

› › SUBCUTANEOUS - not cute enough

› › SUTURE - Gujarati for "what do you want"

› › TABLET - small table

Customer : Waiter, do you serve crabs?

Waiter : Sit down, sir,we serve anyone.

Customer : Waiter, is this a lamb chop or pork chop?

Waiter : Can't you tell the difference by taste?

Customer : No, I can't.

Waiter : Then does it really matter?

Customer : Waiter, there's a dead beetle in my soup.

Waiter : Yes Sir, they are not very good swimmers.

Customer : Waiter, there's a fly in my soup.

Waiter : That's all right, Sir, he won't drink much.

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"

Second Guy: "You're fortunate, mine's still alive."

The girl asked her lover, "Darling, if we get engaged will

you give me a ring?"

"Sure," replied her lover "What's your phone number?"

A drunkard was brought to court. Just before the trial there

was a commotion in the gallery.

The judge pounded the gravel on his table and shouted,

"Order, order."

The drunkard immediately responded, "Thank you, your honour,

I'll have a scotch and soda."

Customer: If I post this letter tonight, will it get to

Penang in two days time?

Post Master: Well it might do.

Customer: I bet you, it won't. Post Master: Why not? Customer: It's addressed to Johor.

An absent-minded man went to see a psychiatrist.

'My trouble is,' he said, 'that I keepforgetting things.'

'How long has this been going on?' asked the psychiatrist.

'How long has what been going on?' said the man.

Girl : Do you love me?

Boy : Yes Dear.

Girl : Would you die for me?

Boy: No, mine is undying love.

1st thief : Oh ! The police is here. Quick! Jump out of the

window!

2nd thief : But this is the 13th floor.

1st thief: Hurry! this is no time for superstitions.

Man : How old is your father?

Boy : As old as me.

Man : How can that be?

Boy : He became a father only when I was born.

Teacher: Correct the sentence, "A bull and a cow is

grazing in the field"

Student: A cow and a bull is grazing in the field

Teacher: How?

Student: Ladies first.

Waiter: I've stewed liver, boiled tongue and frog's leg.

Customer : Don't tell me your problems. Give the menu card.

Little Susie came running into the house after school one

day, shouting,

"Daddy! Daddy! I got a 100 in school today!"

"That's great, Sweetheart," said her daddy.

"Come in to the living room and tell me about it." "Well," began the confession, "I got 50 in spelling, 30 in maths and 20 in science."

Customer : Waiter, there's a fly swimming in my soup. Waiter : So what do you expect me to do, call a lifeguard?

Customer : Waiter, what's the meaning of this fly in my tea up?

Waiter : I wouldn't know, Sir, I'm a waiter, not a fortune teller.

Customer : Waiter, this soup tastes funny.

Waiter : Funny? But why aren't you laughing?

Son: Daddy, have you ever been to Egypt?

Father : No. Why do you ask that?

Son: Well, where did you get mummy then?

Lady: Is this my train?

Station Master: No, it belongs to the Railway Company. Lady: Don't try to be funny. I mean to ask if I can take this train to Kuala Lumpur.

Station Master: No Madam, I'm afraid it's too heavy.

Peter: What a pair of strange socks you are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots!

Kirk: Yes it's really strange. I' ve got another pair of the same at home.

Teacher: Peter, why are you late for school again? Peter: Well, Miss, I dreamed that I was playing football and the game went 1into extra time.

Wife: Do you want dinner?

Husband: Sure, what are my choices?

Wife: Yes and no.